The Most Damaging Lie in Dog Training: “They’re Just Doing It for Attention”
There’s a phrase that you might have heard more times than you care to admit “they’re just doing it for attention.” It’s dropped in conversation, said out in frustration during a challenging walk, or even floating in our own minds as we wonder why our dog keeps repeating that “problematic” behavior. But what happens when we lean on that phrase too heavily? It becomes less of a neutral observation and more of a label that oversimplifies a complex conversation between you and your dog.
Have you ever been told that your internal dialogue shapes how you view yourself? Your internal dialogue also shapes how you see those around you. What may start as a harmless thing to say in frustrating situations, can quickly became how you view your dog and their behaviors. Meaning you are likely to miss the real message they’re trying to send and the conversation they are trying to have.
What We Think They Mean
Usually, when someone says this, they mean:
The dog “knows better”
They’re doing it on purpose
They’re trying to manipulate or get away with something
What Might Really Be Happening
“Doing it for attention” is often your dog trying to communicate:
I’m bored.
I’m overwhelmed.
I need connection.
I’m not sure what to do right now.
I feel a little lost.
When we say a dog is “doing something for attention,” we often imply that the animal is deliberately being manipulative. The insinuation is that the dog understands what’s right or wrong and is actively choosing to test boundaries for its own benefit. However, dogs aren’t capable of being manipulative in the way humans think. Manipulation, by definition, requires a level of abstract thinking and long term planning that dogs simply don’t possess. Plotting, calculating, intentionally pushing buttons to get a specific reaction is a very human concept. Dogs, on the other hand, live in the moment. Their behavior is based on learned associations, emotional states, and survival instincts. When a dog repeats a behavior that’s “worked” before (like barking to get you to engage), it’s not because they’re trying to control you and force you to give them attention. It’s because they’ve learned that the behavior gets a result, and that the result helped to meet a need. They aren’t trying to outsmart you or make you feel guilty. They’re just doing what feels natural in that moment to get clarity, comfort, or connection. Thinking of it as manipulation not only misinterprets what’s really going on, but it also leads us to respond with frustration or punishment, rather than curiosity and compassion.
Consider the possibility that your dog’s repetitive behavior isn’t a calculated ploy to grab your focus, but rather a signal of unmet needs. Perhaps they’re feeling overwhelmed by their environment, or maybe they’re simply trying to cope with feelings of loneliness or stress. It’s easy to fall into the habit of dismissing these signals with a quick, “Oh, they’re just doing it for attention,” but doing so can shut down a line of communication between you and your dog. Ignoring these behaviors or writing them off risks deepening any underlying issues, leading to increased frustration for both the dog and the owner.
Instead of labeling the behavior, what if we approached it with curiosity? Imagine pausing, taking a breath, and asking, “What is my dog really trying to tell me right now?” By framing the behavior as a conversation, an invitation to connect and understand, we shift how we view the situation. This approach not only allows us to address the immediate behavior but also opens the door to truly understanding our dog. Our dogs aren’t out to get us; they are expressing their experiences in a language that we as humans often struggle to interpret. They communicate through their actions because, for them, that’s the clearest way to express discomfort, excitement, or even confusion.
When I first got my dog, Drizzle, she would jump on every counter, refuse to come up the stairs to go to bed, and would bark at me for extended periods of time. As most, I thought “she is doing this for attention. Instead of getting to know Drizzle I unconsciously labeled her as “stubborn” and “trouble maker”. I loved her, but her “flaws” overtook her “personality”. As I dug in deeper into dog training and behavior modification I kept seeing a piece of advice that said “label the behavior, not the dog.” I knew if I wanted to be successful at doing this with clients that I needed to start with my own dogs. I forced myself to undo the labels I had given Drizzle over the years. When the word “stubborn” came to mind, I reminded myself that maybe I was the stubborn one who wasn’t listening. When the words “trouble maker” came to mind, I reminded myself that she was trying to tell me she had an unmet need that she thought she had to meet on her own. With practice I stopped letting her labels take over and started thinking of solutions. When I saw her eying the counters, I set up food puzzles and hunts to meet her foraging needs. When she would bark, I would get up and interact with her to beat boredom. When she would refuse to go to bed, I would play a game with her to get her mind and body going. Eventually, I figured out what exactly she needed and was able to set up a routine to avoid the unwanted behaviors all together. Through the change Drizzle became a brand new dog to me. She wasn't stubborn or a trouble maker. She was an incredible sweet dog who loved exploring the world. Her personality began to shine and she quickly became a dog I couldn’t wait to interact with daily opposed to a dog that made me wonder “what will she do today.”
It is in these moments of unwanted behavior that we find a real opportunity to build trust and deepen our relationship. Instead of reaching for the knee jerk solution of punishment or dismissal, consider how you might help your dog feel heard and understood. Perhaps that means providing a moment of calm reassurance, redirecting their energy in a positive way, or simply recognizing that what might look like defiance is really a call for help. By resisting the urge to label the behavior as “attention seeking,” we challenge ourselves to view every action as valuable information.
Ultimately, framing your dog’s behavior as a message rather than a bad action can transform your interactions. It’s about replacing judgment with the want to truly understand. Transforming an automatic reaction into an opportunity for connection. The next time you catch yourself thinking, “They’re just doing it for attention,” try to dig a little deeper. Ask what might be missing in their day, what they might be feeling, or simply what they might need from you at that precise moment. In that shift lies the potential to not only change behavior but to create a more empathetic and nurturing relationship with your dog.
